


On the Wing

by FestiveFerret



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Birds, Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Magic, POV Outsider, Steve Doesn't Like the Incubator, Tony Takes Care of the Team, absolute nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 16:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14814723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FestiveFerret/pseuds/FestiveFerret
Summary: "You have a seagull on your head."





	On the Wing

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my MCU square "Tony Takes Care of the Team"
> 
> Thanks to ashes0909 for beta and SirSapling for helping brainstorm and drawing doodles to inspire me!

Two days without hearing from his best friend wasn't emergency-worthy unusual, but it was somewhat worryingly unusual. As much as it occasionally made Rhodey want to throw his phone across the room, most days his notifications were a sea of Tony. Both a downside and a benefit of FRIDAY was that Tony could, with one word, send Rhodey anything that crossed his path that he thought was interesting in the slightest.

Some days it was a little bit annoying, most days it was a little bit endearing, and today, it was completely absent. And that was more than a little bit concerning.

Rhodey pulled up to the big bay doors on the side of the main compound and waited while they rolled up to let him in. He parked in the spot Tony had reserved for him and set off down the hall. 

Rhodey was sure he'd find Tony holed up in his workshop, elbow-deep in some project, time forgotten, but his lab was empty and so was Bruce's. Rhodey wandered the compound, but every room he checked, every door he opened, revealed nothing. He pulled out his phone to call Tony and see if this time he'd get more than his voicemail, when he heard a thread of a voice drifting down the hall - Tony's voice. He followed it to the end and pushed open the door to the main training centre. 

"Thor stop that! You're going to hurt yourself!" Tony huffed, pushing a small penguin away from his side with one foot, not sparing it a glance. He was wearing a red, SI hoodie with the sleeves pushed up and a pair of jeans that were dark at the ankles as if they were wet. He held a coffee mug in one hand and was pointing across the room at the exercise equipment with the other, eyes narrowed.  He turned when the door opened. "Close that!"

Rhodey shoved the door shut just in time to prevent a large, snowy owl from careening out into the hall. It bounced off the door and flapped away towards the far wall. "What the -?" Rhodey looked back at Tony as he crossed the room to stand in front of him. "You have a seagull on your head."

Tony sighed. "Look, it's better than in the security console, okay? She already turned the power off three times and ate all the bagels. The head is a compromise, and we're living with it."

The seagull made a throaty croaking noise, and Tony gestured at it, as if it somehow backed up his point.

"What." Rhodey blinked at the rest of the room. The penguin at Tony's feet wouldn't stop poking at his calf, and he gently nudged it away each time without paying it any notice. The owl sat up high on a light fixture, staring at itself in the mirror. A large, blue paddling pool had been dragged into the centre of the room, and floating serenely on the water, sat a duck, a goose, and a swan. "Tony why is the training room full of birds?"

"Well," Tony said, bracing both hands on his hips and looking forlornly at the collection of animals dotted around the space, "we tried the common room, but Thor wouldn't stop sticking his beak in the coffeemaker, and I don't think coffee grounds are good for him."

Rhodey gaped at him. "I really wish that answered any of my questions, man, but it really doesn't. Well, I suppose it answers one or two, but it definitely adds six or seven more."

Tony frowned at him, as if he was the one not making sense, then raised an eyebrow. "Pepper didn't text you, did she?"

"No?"

"Ah. I guess the whole thing with the bird seed and the dead mouse made her forget." Tony pointed at the exercise equipment again. "That's Thor, sticking his dumb beak in everything." Rhodey looked closer, and caught sight of a kiwi waddling along under the weight bench, poking every nook and cranny. "That's Clint -" Tony pointed at the owl "- Bucky, Bruce, and Wanda are in the pool. And this is Sam." Tony nudged the penguin away again.

Rhodey snorted then clapped his hand over his mouth. "Sam's a penguin?" Laughter burbled up his throat, and he fought to keep it down. "I mean, that's not funny. The Avengers have been turned into birds. All except you." He snorted again. "Okay, it's pretty funny. What happened?" He bent down to look at Sam, reaching out with his fingers to see if he recognized him. Sam waddled over and bumped into his hand with a curious trill. "You're kidding me…" Rhodey said, more to himself than anyone else. He'd never touched a penguin before.

"No joke, Loki thought it would be funny too." Tony's voice was strained. "I talked to Wong and he said it'll wear off in about eight hours, but he also said that if anything happened to them while they were like this, it'd be permanent. And man, I gotta tell you, birds are  _ really bad  _ at taking care of themselves. Clint alone has nearly killed himself eighteen times. The water triplets are great, except Bruce-Goose gets tetchy if you get too close, and Sam's supposed to be with them, but he won't stop following me around." Tony pushed him away again. 

The goose, Bruce apparently, climbed out of the pool and waddled across the room, eyeing up Rhodey. He left a trail of wet, webbed-footprints across the floor. Rhodey shifted so Tony was between them. "Have you seriously just been bird-sitting all day?"

"Yup. First couple hours was rounding them all up and making sure they had the basics. Since then, it's just been a lot of herding and a little bit of smacking Clint with a broom so he stops trying to fly into the air vent, never to be seen again."

Bruce rounded Tony and dropped his head low, hissing like an angry cat. "Um." Rhodey backed up again. 

"Yeah, watch it, he's touchy. Bruce, go back to your pool." Tony waved his arm, but Bruce just hissed more.

Rhodey started edging for the door. "What can I do to help?"

Tony picked Bruce up, shockingly without getting bitten, and dumped him back in the pool. He flapped his wings, spraying water everywhere and upsetting the other two waterfowl. After much flapping and squawking, they settled down again. Tony shuffled back over, Natasha wobbling gently on his head and Sam following diligently at his heel. "Sorry, he's gotten very territorial since Pepper tried the fish thing."

"Understandable…" Rhodey breathed, not understanding a word of it. "So, can I he-" Rhodey cut himself off when he noticed that Tony's hoodie pocket was writhing. "What's -?" he pointed.

"Oh, that's Steve." Tony popped open the edge of his hoodie pocket to reveal the smallest, fluffiest, yellowest baby chick Rhodey had ever seen - in a cartoon or real life. "He didn't like the incubator," Tony explained.

"Oh my god."

"Yeah, he's not going to live this one down. Ever." The chick peeped angrily, and Tony closed the pocket again, patting it gently.

"Can I help?" Rhodey tried again.

"Yeah, actually. There's a couch in Steve's room that's light enough that we could drag it in here pretty easily, and then I have somewhere to sit while I watch them. After that, I think it's probably best if you go. Bruce-Goose is getting riled up again."

Sure enough, the goose was arching his wings and glaring at Rhodey.

Between the two of them, it didn't take long to get the couch settled in the middle of the room by the pool. Rhodey left Tony with his Clint-poking broom, a pile of bird-appropriate food, and a promise to return that evening when the spell would have worn off.

Instead of going all the way home, Rhodey set up his laptop in his own space at the compound and spent the rest of the day getting work done. True to his word, at the eight-hour mark, he packed up and made his way down the hall again.

"To-" He pushed open the door then cut himself off at the scene that greeted him. 

The spell had worn off, and apparently, had brought exhaustion with it. Everyone was asleep. Bucky, Wanda, and Bruce were sprawled in the pool, legs overlapping. Thor was draped over the weight bench, his nose a startling shade of pink. Clint was still up on the light fixture, but it seemed to be holding his weight okay. Natasha was stretched out long on the back of the couch, curled slightly around Tony's head where it rested on the cushions. Sam sat on the floor, braced against Tony's calf, legs out in front of him.

And Tony sat on the couch, head tipped back, snoring softly, with Steve curled up against his side. Steve's face was buried in Tony's neck, and Tony had one hand nestled in Steve's hair. Steve's arm was slotted through the pocket of Tony's hoodie, fingers curled around Tony's hip where they popped out the other side. 

Rhodey watched them sleep serenely for a moment, then carefully closed the door again. He pulled out his phone.

_ Hey, Tones, text me when you wake up. I'm going to go get about fifteen burgers and fries. I don't think bird seed and dead mice is going to cut it anymore. Good job, buddy. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can follow me on tumblr at festiveferret.tumblr.com


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